I have sadly neglected the blog for a while. Things have changed for me and my family since the last post. We started our first year of homeschooling and this has changed my entire schedule. From 7:30-12:00 is school time then most days we have ballet starting at 4:30, so by 3:00 we are getting fed, dressed and ready for ballet. Therefore, all the ideas I had prior to this have been put on hold so I can manage and juggle homeschooling, ballet and running a household.
Since my priorities have changed I have not really had time to think about blogging at all. Only until recently have I thought about it. I still want to post on homeschooling, our adoption, life as a mom and other things that interest me. Just not sure when this will happen. Maybe once the summer starts I can start to dabble and find a bit of time for it.
But for now I wanted to do a quick update on what halted the progression of all the plans and goals I had when starting this. In the last week I have really started to think about how much I have set aside when it comes to my interests, goals, ideas and dreams that I had been thinking about when I started Yawni Tiger. My daughters are 8 and 10 now, we all (as a family) discussed and tossed around the idea of homeschool last year and finally came to the conclusion that we wanted to do it (I will post the details of that decision in my first Homeschooling post). Everyday has been a learning experience in more ways then one. We have struggled, laughed, argued, had fun and learned SOOOOO much. It has been a wonderfully difficult adventure and one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
What caused me to think about how much I have sacrificed to make this happen was a difficult day in homeschooling. It was just an "off day", the girls were distracted and I was having to repeat myself so many times because they were laughing and goofing around and I had HAD it! I threw a "mom tantrum" and stormed out of the room telling them I was done for the day. After I went into the kitchen Lu followed me asking me to come back and telling me they would listen. I had to muster up everything in me to go back. I was so done. It had been a difficult week of working thru things, we had great break throughs. But when a hinderance started again that day I just didn't have the emotional or mental capacity to try to keep them focused. Everything in me wanted to close the door and tell them I was "not coming in for work today, I need a day OFF!"
But instead I went into the room and "very loudly" told them, "Do you realize how much I have sacrificed to make homeschooling happen for you?! Do you know I use to have a good chunk of the day to clean, run errands and actually sit down for a bit?! Now I spend EVERY WEEK DAY waking up to teach you for 4 hours and then I have to try to get all the other things done after that. I have made this sacrifice because I want the best for you! So you can have a good education, pursue your love of dance and so I can have more time with you! I didn't get to spend much time with you last year with you in school and then having to run you right to ballet. So can you please put in a little more effort to focus and appreciate what you have?!"
After that dramatic morning I really realized how much of my time IS spent SOLEY for them. How much I give. How much I do for them. It was actually really overwhelming. Pretty much every waking moment is used for them and my husband. This got me thinking. I am TIRED! I really don't think about what I need very much. I don't do a whole lot for me. Should this change? I think it is hard as a mom and wife to juggle family care and self care. It is hard to find time as a mom to refresh.
After thinking about this for a few days I have concluded that this is a season. It to shall pass. My kids will grow and be gone. They will find their interests and pursue their paths. This is the time in their life that is building into the foundation of who they are and who they will be. This is such an important time for them as growing people. Learning how to deal with social situations, building their education, nurturing their Spiritual life. I am their mom, they only have ONE mom. Why would I want to do anything else, but give them the best I have? For the few years they will need me all day long I want to be there ALL DAY LONG! Of course in the midst of this I need to make sure I have refreshing time, adult time, rest and breaks. And most importantly, time with my Father. If I wear myself out then I won't have much to give them. But they are a gift. They are my responsibility before God. He has given them to my husband and I to love, steward, teach and care for. I want to do that well. Only by God's help and grace can I do this. That is why I want to stay connected and reliant on Him. I want them to realize the sacrifice their dad and I make so they will know how much we love them. Also so they will have an appreciation for how blessed they are. THANKFULNESS. This has been a major theme for me over the last few months.
In conclusion, the blog has been put on hold for a very important reason. My time is being spent exactly where I want it to be spent. It has been such a life experience, that I do want to share it here on Yawni Tiger when I have some time. It won't be as often as I was originally thinking. But I want to share the up, downs, highs, and lows hoping that anyone that reads this will be encouraged and challenged. Encouraged in their time as a mom and daughter of God. Challenged to grow as a mom and daughter of God.
Till the next post here is a good quote, "Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing." Mother Teresa
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